Jokes

A man is being shown around heaven for the first time by St. Peter, who walks around pointing out the various glories where people of all colors and ethnic persuasions live -- grassy hills, green meadows, still waters, symphony halls, silent spaces, steep hillsides for people who want to hike to the mountaintops or the ponds, and so on. Then they come upon a great walled fortress.

"What on earth is that?" asks the man. "Oh," says St. Peter. "That's where the fundamentalists live. It's not heaven for them if they think anyone else got in."

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Ole calls Lena. "Hi dere, Lena, guess vat? I'm callin from da car. I got me one of dem cell phones."
"O, dat's nice, Ole," says Lena. "You be careful now. I heard on da radio dere's a car goin' da wrong way on I-5."
"Not just one car," says Ole. "Dere must be a hunnert."

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A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners.All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious someone was home, but no one came to the door, even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back:"Revelations 3:20" -- and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation: "Genesis 3:10."

Revelation 3:20 reads:
" Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and dine with him, and he with me."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked."