Thank you to the woman who has been married to an OALCer for over 30yrs. The posting on this site and one other have helped me tremenously. I am a Chrisitan woman "of color" who has dated a man for two and a half years that belongs to this church. Many of the questions that have gone unanswered have now come to light. This explains the unusual coldness I have felt by the his friends and family that belong to the church. How could this have gone on so long? Because of our careers and lifesyles, it was once easy to live a life separate of that of the church.
I am saddened when I feel his pain. He is torn between family, the church and me. I don't feel it would be fair to ask him to leave the church; this is something that he needs to do on his own. He is a well educated man who has tasted life apart from the church for a while, and although he never discusses this with me, I know he has serious doubts about the church's claims.
Part of my role to him is the love that can exist outside the church; my biggest fear is that he will never leave the church. You are right in saying that attending church alone is very lonely, even if you are still single.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Leah, it is wise of you to consider these things seriously. Your guy is lucky to have you, because a lot of dates would run (fast) after seeing an OALC family up close. (Thank God my husband didn't.)
Even if your man leaves the church, he will never be completely free from it, socially or psychologically. It doesn't sound like he wants to be, though. If your biggest fear is that he won't leave the church, and he has yet to talk to you about his commitment to it, I think that's a big clue.
If you choose to have kids, your children will grow with a significant number of their relatives considering them "bad" or "unChristian" or worse. (Our six-year old is very sad that his grandparents and cousins never visit him.)
There is no appreciation of diversity, racial or otherwise, in the OALC. Why put yourself or your kids through that?
Leah, have the big conversation with him. Then "don't waste your pretty" if he can't make accommodations or understand your concerns. There are many wonderful men in the world.